First off, I'm writing this with my phone (because I used up my laptop's battery watching Criminal Minds) so bear with me for this last one. How was July? We're entering second half of the year properly and anxiety wants to finish me because I feel like I'm doing nothing with my life. The only thing I truly feel like I accomplished with my life was staying alive.

Regularly Scheduled Programming.

Hello there!

A couple of weeks ago, there was a tweet going around on Twitter, from one guy who said book lovers were red flags because they had high standards and I think it's bs. because a lot of people, unintentionally or intentionally, give bare minimum love and get triggered when they're called out.

It's obvious that the book lovers he meant in this context are people that read romance. And as an avid romance reader, I think it's hilarious that being conditioned to not accept rubbish is a red flag, but what do I know?

There was a lot of discourse around fiction books in the past two weeks for some reason and honestly? It's tiring. Let people read what they want to read and stop coming for them from a place of superiority complex.

Reading books is a means of escapism for me. Some people smoke weed, I read and write. For some reason, society is always trying to attach a value to things that are supposed to be for fun. Like something is worthless if they don't have a 'purpose'. This boils over into people too. In the song 'Surface Pressure' from the cartoon Encanto, Lin Manuel Miranda as Louisa Madrigal sings, "I'm pretty sure I'm worthless if I can't be of service".

While that particular lyric was meant to be for first-borns who feel immense pressure from carrying their family's responsibilities on their back, it speaks to the way society only assigns respect to things that are of value to it. As a result, what we have is a people that's obsessed with proving they have value and therefore are deserving of respect.

Moving on from that, there was a TikTok that my friend Joni sent to me, about God complexes.

You don’t need to pretend, that strength is already within you #healingjourney #innerchildhealing #selfcare #growthmindset

73.5K Likes, 858 Comments. TikTok video from Self Exploration Journey🌱 (@seedsxmikah): "You don’t need to pretend, that strength is already within you #healingjourney #innerchildhealing #selfcare #growthmindset". God Complex

EXPLAINED. Sad Emotional Piano.

There's a lot of context in the video but basically what the video says is how having a god complex is on the opposite end of the spectrum from being a people pleaser. Having a god complex is mostly an overcompensation for losing all your power early on in life. Might be controversial but having a god complex after having a people pleasing stage is healthy, so you know both extremes and decide to moderate according to your taste. He says a lot more but I'll let you watch it for yourself.

As a rehabilitated people pleaser, I had a god complex phase. It was relatively short but intense. I'm grateful for it though, it was a period where I learnt what boundaries were and how to enforce mine. It also led to a lot of peace of mind. This is your sign to have your god complex stage today.

On Life.

It's the last day of the month 🥳. I'm so excited for July to be over. It showed me a level of shege I do not want to see again. A lot of my astrology readings have been saying that blessings and new opportunities are coming my way so here's to the astrology girlies being right this month because even without my glasses, I saw things.

July taught me to get who get you and enforce my boundaries. I genuinely hope that August brings better things.

Recently someone very very dear to me did something I didn't like and while my first instinct is to jump into conclusions, I took my time to communicate why I felt slighted. Turns out, it was all in my head, so to all my overthinking girlies, maybe, talk first? before jumping?

I feel like I say this too much but someone sent a tweet to the group chat about the branding of human beings on social media. Which possibly bounces off of what I talked about in regularly scheduled programming about how we're obsessed with proving we provide value. It's this thing where people are gentrified into brands. It's the positioning and posturing of human beings into representing a human brand not a human being.

You see it with influencers and how social media is becoming less social and more paid brand partnerships. I'm all for building a brand, God knows it helps to eat, but if all you do on social media is position yourself as knowledgeable so you can be a brand, when do you get to be a human being with a social media account?

Anyways, as my friend Rara says, "the innanet will like crazy beeches. because that's all they're going to get." These days, jobs have started asking for my Twitter handle and God epp please.

I published something though! It's old, I submitted it for the 2020 Kalahari Prize and got rejected. So, I published it on my blog.

For King and Country. | Latifah's Library — ziatiffah.wordpress.com

The first time he took a life, it was a deserter's. The fleeing man had passed the lookout spot. With his wild eyes and dishevelled hair, he ran like he was being chased by demons. In a way, he was. One word from his captain and he pressed his shaky fingers to the trigger. A…

On Books.

I'm currently reading Nikki Sloane's Three Simple Rules. It's an erotica book my friend Aliyah sent to me. I've read worse but this is pretty steamy. There are elements of romance inside so it balances out.

I finished Lauren Asher's The Fine Print last week and even though I prefer Terms and Conditions to it, it's still a decent book.

On Music.

Beyonce dropped Renaissance! Which you probably already know but if you didn't, you should totally listen to it!

Marvel's Moon Knight Episode 2 had the most badass ending I've ever listened to. I do not understand a word of Egyptian Arabic but the song is a banger. I started playing it on YouTube Music and I have now gone down a rabbit hole of Egyptian Music. It's a hole I like being in though. Wait, that sounded wrong.

El Melouk — music.youtube.com

A new music service with official albums, singles, videos, remixes, live performances and more for Android, iOS and desktop. It's all here.

Lemonade.

This week's Lemonade is the fact that my braids are gone! I loved my purple braids but it was getting exhausting. Now we're back to carrying hair. Hair that I dyed purple. What's funny is that my mom behaved like she was going to have a heart attack when I dyed my hair now she's the one telling me that it's very fine. Women don't know what they want.

I hope August is good to you, and me.

Ave Atque Vale,

Zia.