August is really slipping into a moment in time. While it's great because this month don dey carry me go where I no know, I have no idea where the month went and all my goals are staring at me in the face. Wow.

Regularly Scheduled Programming.

Hola semidioses y semidiosas,

It's 100 days of Duolingo, technically, today is day 101 but semantics. Really glad that a decision to give more thought to my Duolingo is turning out to be more fun than I imagined.

I couldn't send a letter last week, because I was sick. Not just sick, sick sick, the kind of sick that you'll be seeing someone telling you to come into the light. That kind of sick. Adult enough to realise that it was my fault - neglected my body because I thought it wasn't important. Everyone who loves me was absolutely livid at me because it was very clearly something that could've been avoided if I had paid attention to the way I was feeling and nipped it in the bud.

This brings me to the thing I want to talk about - you are a person too. There's something I tell my friends when they give me advice I don't want to listen to - "take your own advice", which leads to a session of filibustering to avoid the conversation. Fun times.

A couple of days ago, I was scrolling through TikTok and there was this guy talking about how we should give ourselves our manifestations. If you're into that sort of thing, manifesting is usually "I" followed by what you want to achieve yeah? This guy goes, "You should use 'you' when you're manifesting like you're giving yourself what you're wishing for. Most people don't really see themselves as people so when they use 'I', it's in a sort of abstract way. But you can't be abstract about the word 'You'."

Points were made. I'm not sure whether it works in the divine but his last sentence hits hard. Most people don't see themselves as people. I'll try to explain why I think so. Most times, you are your biggest critic, holding yourself to an impossible standard. You're the person that's so hard on yourself but telling other people to relax and take it easy (yes, this is a self-sub), it's really just a funny thing.

If you weren't you, and you were a friend, how would you advise you? Great, take that advice. Seeing yourself as a person is more than a sense of self, I think, it's leaning toward the fact that you are your first friend, your first point of call, and the only person that will be with you throughout everything you go through. So why shouldn't you treat yourself like a person too?

The way you treat yourself is the permission you're giving others to treat you. You wouldn't want to be disrespected or taken advantage of so maybe don't do it to yourself first.

Maybe it's not that deep, maybe I'm projecting but maybe I'm right. Maybe malaria has left my brain muddled or maybe it has opened me up to more possibilities. Nearly dying would do that to you. Take care of yourself kids, drugs are expensive and illness is not an experience that bears repeating.

On Life.

I don give up. Okay maybe not on life and all, but I really have given up. I don't think it's a bad thing? Or maybe my craze don pass where e suppose no pass. There's just something so exhausting about fighting against the tide and struggling against the wind, I don tire.

A bit of an oxymoron here but I'm working towards just letting things happen. As the wind blows and alladat.

There's something to be said about knowing when to push and when to give up. So, I have. I think this is one of those times I have to realise that something isn't working and it's time to change tactics. I'll count my blessings and plan out a new plan of attack.

That does mean that I'm kind of in a scarier situation than I was before at the beginning of the year but my God no dey wear flip flop and therefore I can never flop. Let the church say amen?

One of my favourite things that I read in the past two weeks was this article -

Why feedback is a personal attack - by Kalu Arunsi — kaluarunsi.substack.com

This doesn't say throw hands, but if you can then you should.

I like it a lot because as someone whose work is very innate - words no dey comot from outside, feedback, especially not-so-pleasant feedback seems like a personal attack on my soul and self-worth. I've learnt to not take it personally because it's really not but bloody hell is it hard. I could expand on this article but that's probably a topic for next week.

In other more life news, I have not seen the sun or touched grass in two weeks plus, that's certainly not healthy. I should go out, but to where?

On Books.

For almost three weeks, I have been reading one Harry Potter fanfiction. Almost 2k+ pages. I mean it's good, but still! It's one of those Marauder era SiriusxRemus fics. That means no book recc or book thoughts this week.

However, my attention span has been in the pits (thanks TikTok!) and that has made it incredibly hard to focus on movies and series. I did discover a hack - reality competitions. I have finished the first season of a makeup show on Netflix called Glow Up and I'm currently watching a fashion show called 'Next in Fashion', innovative, I know. The cash prize is $250,000 so I guess they can call their show whatever they want.

On Music.

Music has kind of been underwhelming these days, nobody dropped any music I've been hyped for. Joeboy did drop a song - Contour. Not my favourite of his songs but infinitely better than whatever he did on Cubana.

Also, I am slowly becoming obsessed with Ololade Mi Asake and I am so so hyped for his album. He's good, very good. I could get into a discourse on how Asake's music and work ethic is a reflection of his fear of going back to the trenches but again, not today.

Megan dropped Traumazine!! While I haven't digested the album as much as I want to, I do think that Traumazine is a much better album than Good News, praise the Lord. Her flows have switched up and the song about Anxiety is definitely my favourite.

Lemonade.

Welcome to my favourite section of this letter. The section where I count my blessings; my lemonade inside the lemons that life has thrown at me.

There are a couple of glasses this week;

1. I didn't die. Hallelujah. Shout out to El-Shaddai for giving this baby girl another chance.

2. I finished course 3 of 7! I'm taking this Google course on Digital Marketing and E-commerce, and I'm almost halfway through. Personal achievement because finishing an online course is hard for me, but this one? We die here.

3. I have been promised books! I haven't seen the books yet but best believe I shall be reminding the person who promised me books so he doesn't forget.

A little p.s. before you go; For some reason, I have 200 people reading my weekly rambles and while that is scary, it is also humbling. Mostly scary though I'm not going to lie. Oh well.