Hi! Zia here, who is sick for the umpteenth time. I’m not sure if it’s stress (it probably is) or my immune system is reminding me that I need supplements (that too) but I have once again seen the insides of a hospital.

Recently, I’ve gotten deep into the part of alternative medicine that tells you that your body remembers the things you don’t, so this was very interesting and fun to read. I hope you take something away from this letter.

Hi. I'm Milo. Designated Namjoon lover, yapper of all things, marketer usually, writer occasionally and Zia's friend. And I'm here to rant about forgetting.

Regularly Scheduled Programming.

The concept of forgiveness has never baffled me, I'll be honest. But forgetting always has. 

See, growing up, a lot of the bedrock of my childhood trauma castle has been rooted in some form of “why didn't you remember?” spoiler alert: I have ADHD. But I still remember the first time someone told me to “forgive and forget”.

See, this tiny human - not tinier than me, unfortunately - had caused me bodily harm on the playground and like the chatterbox I am, I had told my grandparents, who showed up to school the next day ready to fight - I'm the first grandchild - and after all the back and forth, this teacher looked me in the eyes and said “let's forgive and forget”, and I remember thinking “why in the hell would I do that?”. I was stunned even further when my unwillingness to play with or around this other, less tinier human was interpreted as me refusing to forget. Like you cause me bodily harm, WHY WOULD I WANT TO PLAY WITH YOU AGAIN? 

Over the years, I've been in a lot of relationships and situations that made me slowly realise forgetting is taught as an arm of suppressing your valid trauma or hang-ups or discomfort. See, a friend does you wrong and hurts you but if they plead for forgiveness, and you agree, you should also forget and pick up from where you left off.

And after reviving my NatGeo Wild obsession, I realised this is why the human race is going to probably phase out in the next 2 generations. We do be forgetting. We're actually taught to forget more than even forgive. Logically, spiritually, and any other context, it does not make sense that forgetting is important.

I don't even like to forgive people, but I can be convinced - however you want me to continue on with this person like they didn't just show a glimpse of who they can be. Wild. That's why serial killers thrive. Well, apart from the fact that most of them are white and society is based on white supremacy. 

BUT. sips coke

I genuinely believe the ‘forget’ part of “forgive and forget” should be dropped. It's time for a rebrand. When you break a bone, your body forgives you for it by healing properly - if you go to the hospital - but it doesn't forget. It reminds you every time you put pressure on that bone or randomly when it rains. It reminds you we've been down this road before; let's do better - or worse. You do things differently. You learn from the injury. You adjust. You predict. 

This is what we should be doing, too. A person hurts you. You talk about it, and they apologise. You accept it - or not and you find a new normal and grow from that. You keep in mind that this can happen again, but move forward with the hope that it doesn't. You listen to your guts and intuition when it tell you a pattern is forming, and you communicate to ensure the nerves, muscles and skin covering the bones grow well. 

Now, I'm not saying be petty—well, and bring up the issue every single time—except if you're wicked gan and that's your punishment for the offence—but that you don't lock away the situation/experience so far in your mind palace that another hurtful situation that could have been avoided happens. 

In an ideal situation, consistent communication would be the key, but not only is this not ideal, but we're also royally fucked - lube free, btw - by T-pain and the ripples of capitalism. So communication might be hard, and worse a lot of people don't even know how to start such communication. 

So, until you get a good psychiatrist and psychologist combo—after juggling 5 jobs at once—that validates your neurodivergence—or lack thereof—and finally start therapy to learn how to communicate like the grown-up you are, maybe consider putting that hurtful situation in your left hand—or right hand if you're a lefty—before forgiving and using it to eat eba and okra. 😉

 On Music

Arjit Singh and I are locked in for life.

Lemonade

Good thing that has happened in the midst of Tpain - being able to buy creamy pasta from Ram Boufe AND LOVING IT. That shit is expensive yo.

Have the day you deserve,

Milo.