The time is 2:39 am, and I need better sleeping habits. This letter was supposed to go up yesterday, but after having multiple meetings in one day, the last thing I wanted to do was write. So here we are.

Regularly Scheduled Programming

I would like to preface this by saying that I need better sleeping habits. Don’t get me wrong, on good days, I have something tangible - go to bed by a certain time, be up by a certain time, you know, the good stuff.

The problem is; I do not ‘go to bed’, I crash. Literally and figuratively. I fall asleep in the middle of sentences; in the middle of shows; halfway through writing the content strategy for work (that’s actually how I fell asleep last night). I read something the other day - how neurodivergent (ADHD in this case) people do not fall asleep, they run out of steam and power down, kind of toddlers. After the initial feeling of being offended, it makes sense. I power down like a laptop when it overheats - just go off and hope for the best. There are signs and symptoms of course but all in all, it is usually, running through the whole day and running into a wall I cannot break through.

Thinking about that got me thinking about the dogged conviction to not give up on things, even when they do not look like they would end up working out. There’s probably an analogy that makes sense, but I am too sleep-deprived to think of it.

In the jungle, or civilizations where humans have the misfortune of cohabiting with monkeys, there’s a clever trap that natives have devised for catching monkeys. For simplicity purposes, we will call it ‘The Monkey Trap’. The trap is simple; there’s a gourd or a pot, with a small hole in it, a hole small enough for a monkey’s hand to pass through and not much else. Inside this pot is a banana or some other fruit that monkeys love. The end of the pot is attached to something else so it can’t move.

The trap goes like this - Monkey sees the pot and smells the food and realises all it wants to do is take, so it puts its hand into the pot and grabs a hold of it. Now he has the fruit but his hand can’t pass through the hole because he’s making a fist. And therein lies the problem. The simple solution is to let go of the fruit and go on your merry way but monkeys have issues with letting go of things - and so do humans.

There’s a thin line between not wanting to let go of things because you think it’s a viable option, and simply, just not letting go of things because of ego or shame or some misguided notion. There is no award for best in long-suffering, except maybe in heaven.

Take a cue from Elsa - let it go. Let it go.

On Life.

I need sleep. That is what is going on in my life - I need sleep. And a vacation. Or maybe a vacation and then sleep.

But in the meantime, I started working on something cool. I know, I know, my criteria for cool is really low, but I promise you, this is really cool. I also got to work on it with some really cool people. Possibly the coolest people I have ever worked with (sorry, guys).

One thing I have learnt from working with these people is that people care about their work outside of getting a paycheck - the paycheck is nice, but they care about their work in different phases. They care that the work they do is a reflection of who they are, and therefore put their all into it; they care about the people that their work impacts and because of this care, they put their best foot forward each time. Bloody insane. It’s got me reevaluating my work ethic and why I do things.

Onto less savoury things, ants keep biting me. I know I am a snack but why now? What did I do?

On Music

Jungkook is a pop star. That’s all I am going to say. We are witnessing a pop star in action, and it’s so nice to see him experiment with music and just have fun with his sound.

A friend of mine sent this song to me and said, “Your boy is in something,” and I think it’s cute he thinks I didn’t listen to it the hour it dropped. But like, there’s something about people liking the same songs that you do - people you didn’t expect.

On Books

I have been reading this The Bear inspired Jegulus fic on ao3 because I can’t seem to find a book to hold my interest after reading Dead Poets Society. I fear my reading taste may be becoming a little too streamlined for the bookworm I am. Or maybe I just need to find a billionaire book to read.

Lemonade

This week’s Lemonade is that I cooked! I don’t think I have cooked actual food in months - in between moving up and down, being too busy or just being plain old broke, I cooked actual food.

I had a conversation earlier this week that didn’t go as bad as I thought it would go and I cooked my comfort food to reward myself. I feel accomplished.

The only way I am going to survive the day is if I drink unholy amounts of caffeine. I am looking forward to it like mad.

Cheers,

Zia.