This letter was supposed to be sent last week but as you can tell from the title, Life happens. Let’s take this as one of the happenings that happened.

Regularly Scheduled Programming

A lot of times, it feels like life happens to us (me). Most times, I feel like things are being done to me as opposed to me doing things. Like I live my life as a series of reactions rather than actions to be taken. Which is something that I do not like at all.

The ability to make the decisions that end up being in my best interests is not one that I take for granted, but nevertheless, I cannot help but feel that I am just a leaf in the wind trying my best to make something out of the life I have been given.

I was talking about it with a friend, and he said that sometimes, we do what we do because we have to, not because we can. It’s not a bad thing; we just do not have the power to do more than that. And that’s what irks me, the powerlessness of the entire situation. The cards are already stacked against me (us, if you’re in Nigeria), and every step feels like you’re rolling a boulder up the hill like Sisyphus.

But quite unlike Sisyphus, progress is progress, no matter how little. This past weekend, I have been reminded of all the things I thought would never be possible, but here we are, having them possible.

I would still like to be making choices as actions rather than reactions, though. Maybe I’ll start with eating before hunger makes me want to faint.

On Life.

I’m out of another depressive streak, I think? These days, everything blurs into one timeline, and I can barely tell what is a streak and what isn’t. But I had a fun weekend. Did you guys know there’s now pink alcohol? A friend of mine went to a launch party and brought back a pink cocktail for me. I’m very sorry to my liver.

I also wrote something on Iko Africa. It’s an essay and a reminder to myself to stop being apologetic for my existence. A bit of context, I went to Nana and Fuad’s house for the first time a month or two ago. Now Fu’ad, I treat like a cantankerous elder brother who denies me every chance he gets, but Nana? I mean, she’s Nana Aisha Salaudeen. There’s no other descriptor than that. And so, it was filled with, “Hi ma’am,” “good afternoon, ma’am”. And she gave me a look I’d forever remember, “You say sorry a lot. Stop it.”

On Books.

I finished Cemetery Boys by Aiden Thomas. It took a lot longer than I thought, and now I’m recovering by reading Marauders Fame AU on ao3.

Side note- I saw a TikTok that asked where all the girls who wrote fanfic on Wattpad in 2013 are now and one of the comments said, “They work in Marketing now.” I have never been more offended in my life because why did you clock me like that?

On Music.

Layover. That’s it. Listen to Layover.

Lemonade

I bought skincare! Am I poor as hell now? Heck, yes, but I went to Buybetter and bought skincare, and now my skin feels a lot better. I got two new products - Niacinamide and Retinol, and I am excited to see how they work on my skin.

This was short, and I apologise; capitalism is beating my ass this Monday. But I promised myself a letter today, and a letter I would send.

Have the week you deserve,

Oiz 🫶🏾.