Old Rara can't come to the phone. Why?

Because she's dead.

Testing, testing 1,2,3. Zia is currently tied up in my room because she refuses to rest, and I am writing to you today.


Hello everyone, my name is Clara or Rara, as I am fondly called by my dearest and closest. I guess I cannot do a regularly scheduled section because this is not my newsletter. Instead, I will give an abridged catch-up. I have recently come into my new life, and it is not as haughty as you would expect. Instead, it is a ‘Yaa Gyasi’ (a term I coined after the writer to mean homecoming, a book she wrote). Ten months is not really a long time if I am being honest, and that is how long it has taken me to enter my new life. I have been wandering for ten months; my consolation in this is that not all who wander are lost.

Prior to this, I have been compressing a lot of things to fit into the suitcase I wanted to take to my new life. The last edition of this newsletter and a therapy session with my brilliant therapist put things in perspective. Let it go; if it cannot enter the box, let it go and trust me, you will know what to take. I look forward to being in my new life. I really like being myself.


I learned in August that, as opposed to what we tell ourselves, life is not hard. Life, however, is laden with responsibilities we must assume to keep the tempo going. Once I learned this, it helped me identify what should even take any space in my mind. That being established, October was laden with responsibility for me. I had so much work to clear out, and then my time was stolen sadly by a talking stage and grief. Grief is good practice, and this month I had a wonderful memorial for someone I lost half a decade ago.

For the talking stage, I dislike talking stages because I dislike wasting my time. I also avoid partaking in them so I was embarrassed that I found myself in one and when it ended, I was upset at the feelings I still had. But, with all matters love, I often go easy on myself and remember that I only go where their love deserves to hold me. Work and capitalism will be fine, I do what I can and call it a day.

I am also finishing three distant learning diplomas by the end of this year. I got my masters this month too! With these three courses rounding up, it is safe that academia has lost a good one (me) at least for five years until I go back to get my second master’s and eventual Ph.D.!


I really love music, there is not a day I go without music so imagine how heartbroken I was when I had to go on a 5-hour journey some two weeks ago, and I forgot my headphones! I nearly screamed. I listen to Sam Smith a lot as they are my best artist and I travelled to Manchester overnight just to see them in concert.

This song -

caught me one evening while I saw a rainbow, it was all so poetic. If you know me, you’ll know that’s how wonderful my life is.

Divine has also occupied my mind with this:

I think it is a very sexy song. I think Divine is very sexy, so it is really on brand for him. I look forward to dancing to it with my next partner and giving them unholy thoughts for weeks.


I am an editor, so I read a lot of short pieces rather than books. This month I read the brittle paper anthology on AI and creativity. I loved three entries more than the rest; I also made sure to let the writers know.

Here is a link to said anthology, and I will let you find out which three were my best. My reading list will be out at the end of the year, so more on that later.


My lemonade this month was probably travelling. I travelled more than I estimated and I love travelling so that was very welcome. I also had a surprise invitation to a Halloween fair by a dear friend and her family, and I had loaded fries! I thoroughly enjoyed being on rides that challenged my existing heart condition. There was also a fireworks show that went sublime with the Beatles playing in the background. And I finally got a new laptop! A stable one.


That is it from me; you’re in good hands, I happen to rate Zia very highly. Until I can write to you again, I leave you with this, “if you feel it in your chest, it is fear and if it is in your tum tum, then that’s intuition”

All good wishes,


If you’ve been reading this newsletter for a while, you know I talk about Rara all the time. So when she asked if she could write a guest episode, I jumped on it.

Rara has her own newsletter, the Memoirs of Middles. You should check it out.

All the love,