Hi! This is coming a lot letter than I expected it to be but let’s all take it like that and move with that yeah?

Regularly Scheduled Programming

Before starting this letter, I didn’t know what I was going to write but I was scrolling through Twitter (Like I always do) and came across this tweet.

Happy new month, by the way. With December comes a lot of introspection, and reflection on the year and what it was and how you want your new year to bring. I’ve whipped open Canva to start designing my vision board.

A trap I am trying to avoid this year is making my self-reflection hurt. As much as I want to be honest about my failures this year, I do not want to hurt myself in the process. People (mostly me) think that brutal honesty has to be exactly that: brutal. Honesty doesn’t need to leave you bleeding and believing yourself unworthy after the fact. 

This December, I want to be kind to myself. I messed up multiple times, but I also held the ball a couple of times. The trick is to hold both sentiments in equal measure and with the same amount of reverence. Lessons are to be learnt but also savored.

Also, word of advice: the year isn’t over yet, and there’s still a little time to get started on one goal for the year that you haven’t quite finished. Like me and my on-again, off-again relationship with exercise. Maybe I will get that yoga mat out again and try to get some breathability in my limbs.

On Life

The past two weeks have been… exhausting. I got on antidepressants, I got off antidepressants. My struggle with depression is one I am equal parts proud of and ashamed of. The shame comes from days when I act out of character, and the perceived weakness that comes from fighting your own mind. Sometimes I know better, but I am dragged into the darkest crevices of my mind, and I can’t seem to get out.

The pride comes from something I saw on the internet; “If you’re struggling with depression and you’re still alive, you’re not struggling with depression - depression is struggling with you.” Which sounds so funny but I take relish in the fact that my contract with life hasn’t been terminated yet.

Mental health care in Nigeria is… interesting.

What blows my mind is the prescription of the most fucked up medication I have ever taken in my life. Incredibly hilarious.

Moving on though, what I am so so proud of, though, is DevFest Lagos. For the tech uninitiated, DF Lagos is arguably the biggest tech event in sub-Saharan Africa. And for the third year in a row, I led the Content and Social Media team. Exhausting. It took four months of planning, and I am still composing the LinkedIn post in my head. 

I have never seen event planning in my horoscope, but here I am, with a couple of events under my belt and trying on more. It’s very interesting to see just how much stuff can be fucked up in such little time when it comes to planning. 

Side note: I have an event on Saturday, and I texted my tailor today (Friday morning), and she sent me a sticker. Lmaoooooooothatbabehasntfinishedmyclothooooo.

On Music.

It’s Spotify Wrapped week, and my greatest pride is that Shallipopi didn’t come out in my Wrapped. Considering how much music of the Pluto Presido I listened to, I am both grateful and incredibly surprised.

As always, BTS is my top artist. I listened to a little (a lot of) Hozier and it showed, seeing as he ended up being my second artist. 

The most surprising song on my top 100 is this

I wasn’t aware how many times I listened to this. 

On Books

Save me from capitalism because I haven’t read in a while. My Goodreads is crying out in pain. Apart from the book club’s book, I haven’t been dedicated to reading anything, even fan fiction.

Lemonade

Moving into my own apartment ranks high on the list of things I’m grateful for. November might have shown me different flavors of shege, but at least I am no longer homeless. And I have a desk where I arrange all my current books along with my Zenitsu action figure. 

Stay jiggy, and be kind to yourself this December.

With plenty love,

Zia.